I was appalled when I heard that one of India’s esteemed practitioners of Yoga had declared his plans of jumping into the fray of the 2013 general elections. His rise from being a “humble” yoga instructor to civil servants to an ideologue in India (The days the media airs his views on everything from price rise to H1N1 virus) has been phenomenal. In the initial years we had him speaking on the benefits of yoga but with time this man has started walking on the “road to sainthood”. Roads were built after him, a fully dedicated television channel showing him live throughout the day gave strong competition to the TRPs of other entertainment channels and the “Who’s Who” of India would queue up for an appointment with him. The greatest shock came to me when 16 Governors and 20 Chief Ministers were present at the inauguration of a “Yoga University” started by him.
Popularity charts rated him as the “icon in the making”. “Pranayam” and “kapal bhati” started the day of millions of Indians. His gatherings attracted rich and poor alike. Entry could be bought (proximity to the dias was decided by how many zeroes one could add) or could be sought (The last rows were always crowded with poor people). I still remember that my sometimes “not so nice” father bought tickets to one of these gatherings. Two grands poorer, he forced me to wake up at 4 am in the morning. After walking for almost 2 miles through roads where there were no traces of human civilization we reached the venue. It resembled ‘Noah’s Ark”- the whole human, primate, canine and feline population of the city semed to be present there. Following queues depending upon how much one had paid for the tickets one reached the huge field in which the instructors were supposed to teach yoga. It reminded me of visits to Lord Balaji at Tirupati. Rich or poor, you can have a glimpse of God, but the waiting period was inversely proportional to the amount of money you paid for the darshan. Holy smoke!
The convention started with the lead speaker talking about the benefits of health. This was followed by instructions in exercises, and a combined lecture on the benefits of these exercises, patriotism and MNC bashing. “The whole war around the world is all about marketing of western products”- these words were capable of rendering quite a few people jobless and making “globalization” dead meat. The harmful effects of coke and pepsi were enumerated (Baba, whatever you say , I haven’t been able to give up my addiction to the colas till now) and equated to a bathroom cleaner (some right-wing organization , I later learnt had proved that the lavatory could be cleaned sparkling clean using a cola. Wow! Harpic finally has a competitor.)
Some exercises were equally tough as the words of the Baba. Trying them out could mean either a fracture or tying yourself into a “Gordian knot”. I had a tough time convincing my over-excited father to desist from trying them out. Had Baba come to know that his appetizer last night were three pegs of scotch, the invitation would have immediately stood cancelled. Meanwhile Baba was asking his disciples not to eat anything except “Gourd- bootle,green, or snake”. Phew! Dad looked at me and said, “Oye puttar, wouldn’t roti lose its taste without aloo gobhi or baingan ka bharta?” I smiled at him and replied, “Who asked you to buy these passes for two grand when you knew that he is going to ask you to stop eating all this”. Dad made a face. He looks cute whenever he does that.
Suddenly, there was movement on the dias. The Governor had arrived. The burly old statesman entered folding his hands and straightaway made a dash into the feet of Baba. I was shocked. If not for he, the head of state should have not knelt in order to keep the honour of the state. Anyways, Baba blessed him. Then started the “I praise you, you praise me” session. Governor spoke on the revolution Baba had brought in the lives of Indians while Baba talked about the contribution of the Governor in the progress of the state. A few others were also praised for seconds- Mr. X, who had donated Rs. 5 Crores to Baba’s fund and Mr. Y, who hosted Baba. Yak yak and blah blah later, Baba continued with his recitals.
When the day’s programme ended, I breathed a sigh of relief. I would rather die at 50 holding a glass of scotch rather than be stretching my limbs at 75. As we walked out, what I saw was something that made me shocked in disbelief. A temporary bazaar had come up with all kinds of health food and supplements being sold- lemon grass, organic juice and of course, derivatives of the Gourd-juice, pulp, boiled – in every form possible. There were counters selling medicines, natural cosmetics (I wonder when bollywood divas would be modeling for Baba) and organic food. People scrambled to buy all these products. Maybe Baba’s words confused them. He never asked one to buy these things. He talked about a way of life to be followed. But then the “rich” of the city had one thing in shortage- logic. They bought everything possible. This reminded me of an old ad put up by an IAS coaching institute- “Please post your application form to UPSC and not to us”. Attending Baba’s camp assured quite a few people that they were beyond the clutches of morality. Baba was a superman. You could buy “time” by bribing the superman- directly or indirectly.
Needless to say, we never returned for the remaining days of the camp. Dad recited the benefits of Baba with a glass of scotch in his hands and kebabs by his side while I enumerated the benefits of the exercises watching Sharon Stone send Michael Douglas into frenzy. Mom was probably the only Baba loyalist who cursed us and snatched the passes saying, “I will religiously go tomorrow”. Let me clarify- next morning the whole household woke up at 7. It was probably afternoon for Baba by then.
Baba was constantly in news after that. One day he would be instructing Americans while cursing Uncle Sam (American were dumb! Baba proved it) and on the other day he would be making Japanese perpetually bow to him in Tokyo (Don’t these Orientals get bored of bowing). His Yoga University was going on in full swing while his aurvedic medicine factory was feeding the whole of the country. Baba featured on all kinds of merchandise. I somehow felt that very soon he would beat Ernesto Che Guevara as the most featured individual on merchandise. Maybe someday Baba would be tattooed on “strategic places”.
One politico who tried to challenge Baba’s might by dragging him into a controversy featuring some labour problems and mixing of caracass in his ayurvedic medicine factory found no support from any quarters. Even, the print and the electronic media which is expected to be the guardian of the interest of the democracy chose to show a “kissing controversy” between a small time starlet and a obscure singer rather than “analyse” the allegation. Baba’s brand equity was at a all time high.
Baba had struck the heart of every Indian. Combining emotion, fear and good old marketing, he managed to successfully project himself into the messiah of the common Indian who lived an indiscipline life. There were many others who tried to do this before but the lack of a marketing effort took all of them down with time. Baba had learnt from his peers. He was not going to repeat such a mistake. Patriotic songs, public service institutions with nominal charges for the populace and strategic use of technology helped Baba conquer the heart of millions. From baldness to infertility to jaundice and cancer- Baba was the doctor for all these ills. Every convention would feature patients who hd recovered. Teary-eyes, they would thank Baba for it. TVC, Asian Sky shop and others, please pick up a few cues from him.
The funniest part came with the market dynamics changing with regard to a few products. The “Gourd” family gained the most. At my hometown eating a bottle-gourd was considered to be a sign of poverty. But with Baba’s onslaught even the rich found gourds unaffordable. It became omnipresent. Juice, pulp, picked and sweetened gourd began to feature on the racks of up market shops. Oh my god! Non-vegetarians who were earlier ignored were now treated as outcastes. A gentleman once told me, “Watch Baba’s programme every morning. You will get over your addiction for non-vegetarian food”. I said, “Baba said something about celibacy too. I hope you are following it”. Baba had an opinion on everything. When H1N1 invaded India, Baba appeared on Television with some herb which was found in wilderness. Overnight, the herb became a bestseller. One company even launched an IPO for selling the herb and its derivatives.
Baba was lying low for a while practicing yoga when he suddenly reappeared. This time he talked of politics and his vision for the General elections of 2013. The whole statement was beyond my comparison. Baba you are great. The only difference between you and a certain “behenji” is that she made her statues after she entered politics, and you are entering politics with you being omnipresent in millions of hearts. I have no opinion on your decision on entering politics but at the same time I feel that over exposure might hurt your “brand equity”.
In years to come Baba will leave an empire which could put to shame the management policies of many of the India Inc corporations. I have no understanding of yoga or ayurveda. I live an indisciplined life. But I have certain understanding of business and brand-building. Baba, you give marketing and PR professionals a new field to study. You give management gurus a new turf to understand, but at the same time confuse even the politicians.
Whether Yoga and politics can co-exist and whether the “politics of gourd” will survive or perish; only time will tell. But there is a part of me which will always say that you will be more successful in assuring people of hair growth at right place than economic growth at wrong places.
P.S. The views aired are personal opinion of the author and are not meant to hurt the emotions of any person living or dead.
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